The journal of open connections
Inclusive dating: room for everyone
Identity, orientation and pronouns: respect comes first.
Use the name and pronouns someone shares. If unsure, ask simply without requesting an explanation of their personal history.
Let people define themselves
Use the name and pronouns someone shares. If unsure, ask simply without requesting an explanation of their personal history. Correct a mistake briefly and move on with care.
Do not infer intentions
Identity and orientation do not tell you which activities or relationships someone wants. Being part of a couple is not consent to a group date. Ask about intentions instead of assuming.
Protect privacy
Do not share someone’s messages, photos or identity without permission. People have different family, work and local circumstances. Social media access is not a required proof of sincerity.
Make room for every person
When a couple meets another person, everyone needs space to speak and decline. Avoid treating someone as a role to fill.
Choose your setting
You may prefer a familiar public place or a short first meeting. No venue or platform can guarantee freedom from discrimination. You can leave, block and report an exchange that devalues you.
How can you share your intentions without reducing yourself to a label?
You can name your identity if you wish, then describe the relationship you would like to explore: a conversation, a gentle meeting, an ongoing connection or a desire you are still thinking through. “I’m a bi woman and I’d like to take the time to get to know someone” gives chosen information without promising any particular availability. You can also keep some details for later. An introduction is not a file to complete in order to be legitimate. Leave the other person the same freedom and ask what matters today, rather than interpreting a category.
Choosing words and simply repairing a misstep
Use the terms a person uses for themselves. If you are unsure about a name or pronoun, a brief question may be enough: “How would you like me to address you?” An answer does not entitle you to ask questions about their body, their personal processes or their past. If you make a mistake, correct yourself without asking the other person to spend time reassuring you. The quality of an exchange also shows in this ability to listen. Words may vary across languages and people; a translation does not replace attention to the context of the conversation.
Protecting your privacy without having to justify yourself
You may prefer to share a photo later, use a chosen name or meet somewhere away from your neighborhood. These choices should remain compatible with the rules of the service you are using and with an honest presentation of your intentions. Do not ask someone to make their orientation public as proof of trust. Discuss what may be said to people close to you and what should stay between you. A joint post, a tag or a group photo can reveal more than expected. Ask for consent before posting and accept that it may be refused.
An inclusive welcome is built throughout the whole date
Inclusion does not stop at a word in an introduction. It also involves listening, the accessibility of the place, the way an activity is suggested and the possibility of changing your mind. A person may enjoy one compliment and refuse another; the members of a couple may have different expectations. Ask concrete questions and allow time to answer. If a remark hurts you, you can name it or end the exchange. You are under no obligation to turn a date into an explanatory session in order to deserve respect.
Sources and resources
General guidance: no meeting, absolute safety or reply is guaranteed. Mad in Love, Mad2Moi and Madintouch share an owner but have distinct roles.
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